By Babayola M. Toungo
In the age-old tradition of presidents leading their countries from the capital, Nigeria has once again set a new, dizzying global standard. Enter Bola Ahmed Tinubu, our very own airborne statesman, who has boldly demonstrated that borders are merely suggestions and that effective governance is best achieved at cruising altitude – preferably with a glass of prosecco in hand and the Colosseum as the Zoom background.
If the presidency ever needed a rebranding, Tinubu’s tenure has delivered in five-star, in-flight style. His office is wherever the Wi-Fi connects, his cabinet meetings now held somewhere between duty free, turbulence, and, these days, a piazza in Rome. His signature is more familiar to Italian customs officers than his own ministers, and the presidential jet has become the real seat of power – Abuja is just a nostalgic layover, referenced occasionally like a vintage postcard.
Since assuming office, President Tinubu’s itinerary has resembled a travel influencer’s Instagram feed more than a national leader’s strategic calendar. With over 20 countries visited – five glamorous stops in France, three samba-filled visits to Brazil, a jaunt to Japan, and strategic layovers in Dubai and London – his passport has seen more action than the average Nigerian’s ATM card. Now, with his current visit to Italy, he’s added gondolas, gelato, and gladiator selfies to his ever-evolving portfolio.
At this rate, he’s set to break the Guinness World Record for Most Heads of State Avoided While Shopping for Souvenirs. One can’t help but wonder if the Italian trip is a diplomatic mission or just an undercover assignment for the Vatican’s secret “Blessed Frequent Flyer” program. Rumor has it, the only bilateral agreement signed in Venice was for an unlimited supply of tiramisu.
While President Tinubu is busy perfecting his Italian accent (“Prego, signor!”), the average Nigerian tightens their belt in the face of soaring inflation, rampant insecurity, and a naira performing daily acrobatics. As the masses queue for fuel, the president queues for first class boarding at Fiumicino Airport, collecting photo ops, shaking hands, and possibly scouting the best spots in Florence for “remote governance.” Nigerian social media was abuzz when insiders leaked that his Rome pit stop was labeled a “government-business summit,” though suspiciously heavy on espresso breaks and suspiciously light on actual meetings.
If ever there was a leader to embody the phrase “jet-setting,” Tinubu has set the standard. His inner circle now refers to him as “His Flightness,” and rumor has it frequent flyer miles are accepted as collateral for cabinet appointments. Aso Villa is rumored to be haunted by the ghost of stationary governance, last seen wandering the corridors asking, “Is anyone home?”
Back home, critics have not been shy: the Labour Party chalks up his travel fever to an “allergy to staying at home,” while the African Democratic Congress alleges he’s spent a quarter of his presidency in the air – managing to visit more foreign capitals than Nigerian states. Even Google Maps has started suggesting “Home?” as a destination whenever the presidential jet lands on the African continent. After his Roman holiday, Siri now asks, “Would you like to search for Nigeria?”
Civil society groups have joined the chorus, asking the existential question: “Does Nigeria still appear on the president’s Google Maps?” Ordinary citizens, meanwhile, rest assured that their president is fully engaged… just somewhere else. WhatsApp groups now feature “last seen” jokes about the Commander-in-Chief, as Nigerians wonder whether their leader will someday Zoom into a fuel scarcity protest from a gondola in Venice or perhaps send an Instagram story from the Leaning Tower of Pisa, with the caption “Leading from the top!”
Fear not, says the Villa. Governance, they insist, is only a WhatsApp call away. Tinubu, we’re told, remains “fully engaged” no matter the time zone, issuing directives to ministers and service chiefs via text, perhaps even sending the occasional Italian emoji for emphasis – think pizza, wine, or the classic thumbs up. Nigerian governance has, it seems, entered the era of seamless international roaming. Someday, presidential decrees may come with an auto-reply: “Sent from the Trevi Fountain. Please excuse any splashes.”
There’s a silver lining: should the Nigerian economy finally find stability, perhaps it will be through frequent flyer points, not fiscal policies. Cabinet meetings may soon feature inflight safety demonstrations, and the annual budget could come with a complimentary baggage allowance. As for Italy, who knows? Maybe the next budget retreat will be held in Tuscany, complete with mandatory Vespa rides for all ministers.
Meanwhile, Nigeria’s foreign missions have not caught the same jet-setting bug. Across the globe, embassies are grappling with unpaid salaries and overdue rent, watching the president’s flight tracker with envy. As diplomatic staff debates taking side hustles – maybe as Uber drivers or travel bloggers – the rest of the world marvels at Nigeria’s innovative model of absentee governance. Some say the next ambassadorial posting comes with a sleeping bag, a GoFundMe page, and, if lucky, a postcard from Capri.
In a world where leaders are often accused of losing touch with their people, President Tinubu has redefined the phrase – quite literally. He is so out of touch, the Guinness Book is considering a new category: Most Miles Flown While Missing in Action. Perhaps the next election slogan will be: “Vote Tinubu – He Puts the ‘Abroad’ in ‘A Broad Vision for Nigeria!’”
The rest of us wait, passports in hand, hoping that next time, he’ll choose to lead from home – or at the very least, send a postcard from Florence. Until then, Nigeria remains governed by the world’s most dedicated frequent flyer, currently somewhere between Abuja and Amalfi, with governance always just a boarding pass away.
